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http://www.winol.co.uk/hereandnow/2013/02/pope-cv/
Following Pope Benedict’s surprise resignation, there has been much speculation on who will be the next pope. We have hacked the phone of the Pope’s assistant (well not really) and found an incredible applicant for this position:
To The Cardinals,
My name is Hannah Hayesmore and I recently noticed that there is an opening for a new pope to lead the Catholic Church. I think that I would be an ideal candidate. Though I am not a catholic, I believe I possess the qualities needed for the role. After much research (largely using Google and WikiHow) I have realised that, at least in theory, it is not specifically necessary to be a priest before becoming Pope so I thought it may be possible for you to overlook this slight inconvenience. Fortunately, I do have a half GCSE in Religious Education at a B grade level, which should give me sufficient knowledge to perform the necessary religious duties. I am fully aware that Popes are supposed to be male, but after even deeper research, I have discovered that there was a female Pope, Pope Joan, in 854AD who was a Pope for over 2 years, so my gender need not be an issue.
Of course, as a student I am currently unemployed and will not be able to work full time until I have finished my course. I have little experience specifically for this role, but have previously worked both as a customer assistant at a well-known, up-market chain-store and also as a teaching assistant at a private company. The disciplines I have gained from these places, as well as from the journalism course that I study, should stand me in great stead for the role. For one, my University course will help me to deal with the media. It has also proven how effective I can be even whilst learning on the job and that I am still able to learn new languages; whilst I’m sure Latin is a little different to Short hand, the principle is fairly similar (probably). Plus, I can already speak some French, Spanish and one of my colleagues is willing to help me with Italian and, as Latin based languages, how different can they be? My work as a teaching assistant has taught me the best way of spreading messages and teaching people and, finally, my work as a shop assistant has taught me the best ways of helping and serving people. All of these qualities would make me an ideal Pope.
As a rather unusual candidate for this particular role, I feel it is important for me to prove to you that I can bring considerably more to the job than the usual candidate. For a start, I am considerably younger than previous Popes so I will be able to stay in my role for longer and therefore sort out more issues within the church. It also means that I will be more open to new ideas and able to use new technology to do whatever jobs I will need to do.
Also, as a young female candidate, I can help to show the world that the Catholic Church is a progressive religion, relevant to modern life. Plus, I am great at smiling and waving and would look good in Pope clothing, as shown in this mocked-up photo:
Of course, unlike previous Popes, I have not been a member of the Hitler youth nor have I attempted to convince people to remain prejudiced towards women and homosexuals or told people not to use condoms even if it is only to prevent sexually transmitted diseases; hopefully this will not count against me.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Your sister in Christ,
Hannah Hayesmore
http://www.winol.co.uk/hereandnow/2013/12/winchester-really-christmas-capital-england-simply-christmas-capitalism/
Is Winchester really the ‘Christmas Capital’ of England?
Christmas in Winchester is about family, friends and fun says Hannah Hayesmore
To me, nothing says Christmas like the Winchester Christmas market and judging by the hustle and bustle all over the city centre at this time of year I am not the only one. What could be more festive than the smell of mulled wine, mixed spice and a hint of citrus fruit that wafts into your nostrils as you enter? Or the seemingly infinite lights that twinkle overhead and all around like stars as you walk in? Or even the copious food vendors, selling what feels like every type of Christmas cake, hot chocolate and sweets imaginable that tempt you as you wander around? Beyond that, there feels like a stall with a gift idea for every friend or relative, no matter how distant, which reminds you just how much you enjoy giving presents as well as receiving them, of your favourite festive films & how their beautiful bounty of presents under a perfectly decorated tree and, of course, you are hit by the nostalgia of previous Christmases as you witness the joy and wonderment on the faces of younger visitors. The whole experience is magical.Beyond that, the city centre with its giant Christmas tree, beautiful decorations and regular market as well as extensive high street shops only serve to increase the Christmas spirit. With the air filled with buskers playing festive tunes, the scent of roasting chestnuts and a slight chill that just lifts your hope for a white Christmas this year so you can fully appreciate food and games around a warm fire with the family in the evening.
Nothing compares to Winchester at Christmas. Other markets, such as Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, London, just lack that ‘je ne sais quoi’ and Christmas spirit that makes Winchester’s so great. Each stall seems individual and each product unique whilst others feel as though they have a void of originality, beauty and finesse. They feel repetitive and commercial which shouldn’t be what Christmas is about. It should be about family, friends and fun and that’s what Winchester at Christmas represents for me and why I think it is more than worthy of the title of Christmas Capital.
